No longer the same. 

I know you're gonna say that i think too much again ,
but i realize as i stick to you ,
close to you , stay by you for too long , always by you.
you seems to get tired of me ,
or maybe me sticking to you puts you off.
i want to be by you ,
but somehow when i feel that you're sick of me ,
i'll show a face ,
ignore you ,
i don't like this ,
i prefer the us in the past ,
always laughing like silly dummy ,
smiling like no tmr ,
i miss us.

He's the one .


He's the one by my side ,
ups & downs.
thankyou much bei ,
i know i'm unreasonable at times ,
grouchy & show you attitude ,
but you understand & tolerate .
you're totally understanding.
unlike me .
i know i shouldn't cold you that night ,
it's all my fault ,
and i shouldn't gave a face when i'm lack of sleep.
i thank you for being there for me like a pillar.

you're the one ,


through this few days ,
through all the obstacles ,
i knew you're the one ,
you're there when i'm lost.
you stood by me though i ask you to leave ,
you solve things for me ,
when everyone give up ,
even i myself gave up ,
you told you didn't.
if it had not been you being by me ,
i don't think i still have the chance to sit here & post.
even daddy can see that you love me ,
thankyou m , i love you.

Haywire.

i'm snapping .
and i can't control my attitude towards you ,
sooner or later you'll dislike me ,
and my effing phone bill burst like till a hundred bucks ,
daddy sure terminate my line ,
then i can't contact you ,
& we'll drift further ,
idk what else to do anymore.
i lost everything ,
soon i'm gonna lose you.

lesson learnt /

beibei ,

i'm sorry to misunderstand you ,

i know my tears are nothing of help ,

i know i said wrong words ,

i thought i have my principles ,

but my principles couldn't work on you ,

i love you too much ,

but i never once regretted loving you ,

rmb you're my last ,

you'll always remain ,

i know you're uber good to me ,

i know i definately have to cherish you ,

keep my temper up ,

be ultra good to you ,

but just now you're being so stranger to me ,

you're like cold me ,

never meet me ,

my heart ponder , i can't help to cry ,

i'm sorry baby.

now is not you want to leave ,

is i scare you leave.

i don't want to lose you.

I laugh,

I love,

I hope,

I try,

I hurt,

I need,

I fear,

I cry.

And I know you do the same things too,

So we're really not that different, me and you.

sorry bei

you're back ,
i sucessfully change gentle when you're away ,
but idk why when you're back ,
i became fierce & not gentle again.
sorry.

i'm sorry to leave you alone at home ,
i'm sorry for the tears i cause you to drop .
i'm sorry to ask you leave me for other girls ,
i really felt i'm not good enough for you.
you really treat me well ,
but yet , i never treat you good enough .
i'm sorry to cling to you & cry .
i never try before crying when my boyf is leaving for home.
i also dk why i'll like that.

sorry baby m .

Day 9 without Marvin Tan

moody , ru guo wo bian cheng hui yi ,

saw your post , really shocked.
i thought you never see this blog
so i can post every single shit i'm feeling.

but well ,
your post brought a smile to my face.
tyvm .

idk why i couldn't sleep well every night
since you went for taiwan.
when the day is getting nearer for you to come back ,
it got worse ,
i'm wide awake till 8 or 9 am.
but i'm fine ,
i survived 9 days without you .
though i may cry but i'm sure , i'm coping well
cause i'm chlovelle , strong & tough .
i fear & anticipate for day 10 to arrive.
cause i rmb before you left to taiwan ,
you told me you want to be real self.
i fear to see the real marvin tan.
the marvin tan that i never see before ,
even before day 1 we know each other.
i fear to see that marvin tan that idk ,
it's gonna feel so strange if you behave
like how you're last time ,
how you told me what a person you're
way back before i know you ,
i rmb every single thing about you , i guess so.
though i miss you much ,
yearning to see you , hear you , feel you ,
but deep down , i'm afraid of the changed you.
i even thought of avoiding you so you wouldn't have
the chance to treat me cold & fierce like how you did
to your ex girlf ,
i was totally clueless about what to do ,
until just now ,
i think throughly ,
i decide to still continue to meet you ,
& accept whatever changes you made
for i love you for who you are.
unless you cross the line & i snap then that's it.

and you know what , i repent & realize what went wrong ,
i made changes ,
i changed back to that a lil gentle chlovelle , understanding girlf
that you always longed for.
even zewei said i changed gentle ,
hahaaa!
i told you to mark my words ,
use your eyes to see when you come back.
i'll treat you better than the way i treat you
before you left.
cause i refresh my memories &
hate the chlovelle that's not good enough for you.

and i went safra with shuchuan around 10pm ,

played pool with poh chai , weijie , shuchuan

zewei joined around 11 plus ,

around 1230 , bus 145 to redhill mrt ,

no more bus then zewei walked me home ,

reached home around 110.

going church later .

baby m , I miss you when something really good happens,
because you're the one I want to share it with.
I miss you when something is troubling me,
because you're the only one who understands me so well.
I miss you when I laugh and cry,
because I know that you're the one who makes

my laughter grow and my tears disappear.
I miss you all the time,
but I miss you the most when I lie awake throughout the night
and think of all the wonderful times we spent with each other
for those were some of the best memorable times of my life.

you're the only one that comes to my mind when i'm down & alone.